Ding Ding Ding

I’ve only seen 2 fights in Korea.  The first involved an intoxicated young female breaking a beer bottle over her own head in a fit of rage, then attempt to cut the man sitting across the table from her, with said bottle.  That incident occurred during my first month here in the ROK and, as far as fights go, it made sense - I understood that fight. Inebriated and sleep deprived male and female pairings, fighting at 6am isn’t something you only see once in your lifetime.  Sober, female, i’m assuming fully rested, kindergarten cooks at 12:30 in the afternoon, however, is something I doubt i’ll ever see again.

It was my first week at PSA. I was still in the throws of my depression, so socializing during lunch was somewhat along the lines of torture. I preferred to sit and gaze at inanimate objects and feel sorry for myself and luckily on this day, my anti-social behavior allowed me to be privy to the entire spectacle that was “Cafeteria Beat Down 2012”.

As I was pushing some sort of meat and vegetable dish around my trey, I heard a noise that sounded like yelling.  Lethargically I looked up to see one of the younger lady cooks in a pink hairnet angrily grabbing a vat of food and walking out of the kitchen.  At this point I didn’t think much of it, because when Koreans talk, I often think they are angry, but what i’ve come to learn is that the tone I mistake for anger, is generally just the way in which they communicate.  I had just gone back to moving things around my plate when I heard a screech that was most definitely not just excited banter about kimchi.  The yelling was coming from an older cook wearing a standard black hairnet.  I glanced around the cafeteria to see if anyone else was scouting what was happening in the kitchen.  Unsurprisingly, all the other teachers were tending to their students and not paying attention to the escalating situation happening behind the food.  I, however, was now enthralled.

Within seconds of reentering the kitchen, pink hairnet and black hairnet were nose to nose, yelling what I can only assume are some pretty harsh Korean insults.  Black hairnet must have gone for the verbal jugular because pink hairnet snapped.  Before black hairnet could react, pink hairnet slammed down a spatula and thew a right haymaker directly at her face--connecting solidly against her jaw.  Black hairnet, clearly dazed, stumbled, recovered and charged pink hairnet, slamming her into the commercial size refrigerator.  There were a few body shots thrown from either side before the hairnets came off altogether as the hair-pulling began.  One of the other cooks made a feeble attempt to break up the brawl, but she was thrown aside like a child.

By this point the rest of the cafeteria had become aware of the melee and the responsible adults in the room started scurrying to get the kids up and out of the room.  I, however, being in a state of emotional apathy, just sat and watched as the two cooks pulled hair, kicked, yelled, and slapped.  During this period I, half ass, gave a couple no eye contact commands to the kids to go to the hall.  Looking back, I now realize what middle age men go through when trying to watch sporting events with young children around.  After a short time, I slowly got up and walked out to meet my class in the hallway, eyes still fully focused on the kitchen. Three men from the managerial staff and another female co-worker finally managed to pry the two gladiators off of one another. Thus, feeling like i’d just watched the NBA Championship, I half floated back to my classroom.

The next day I was like a child on Christmas, waiting to go back to the cafeteria and see which of the ultimate fighter cooks was still employed, if either.  As it turned out, the younger cook took her victory and quit PSA, never to be seen again.  Black hairnet, however is still serving up food and i’m sure to give her a “thanks" and a smile whenever possible --mostly because she terrifies me and because anyone who can body slam another individual into an industrial size kitchen appliance and still manage to keep her job, must be doing something right.

That’s a Start

A little over 2 weeks ago at 4am I stumbled off my plane and into the Seoul/Incheon International Airport for my second go round here in Korea.  Thanks to the jet lag, i’ve been head bobbing, near passing out around 9pm every night and waking up each morning anywhere from 5:30 to 6:00.  I’ve been starting off each day with a good cry, either soft sobs into my pillow or angry, rage filled tears depending on my level of depression.  Then I begin making manic phone calls to a handful of people from back home.  Eventually, I pull myself together enough to get dressed and make my way to work.  Little did I know that first Monday back, that waking up and crying would be a relatively easy part of my day.

Even after living here for just over a year, i’m still very unschooled in the ways of the Seoul bus system.  The subways are in english, relatively straight forward and difficult to screw up, thus I usually opt for the underground mode of transport, even though at times it’s much more time consuming.  The distance between my new apartment and my new school by subway is a bit of a trek, being that there is no direct route.  So on Sunday before my first day I went around to figure out which bus might provide and easier trip to school each day.  After talking with numerous locals in broken English and a few key phrases in Korean, I found out that the 143 is just about door to door from my apartment to my school.  A couple of the Koreans even muttered phrases about a bus stop called “something something something Ga Apartments”.  Feeling proud of myself, I headed home to watch some episodes of Glee before my 9pm bedtime.

The next morning I woke up and had my cry, which was particularly hysterical because it was my first day back at work. Couple that with my jet-lag and severe emotional comedown from the last two weeks spent in the US and I was quite the mess, but wanting to make a good impression on the first day I pushed though my location induced depression and got ready for school. I  carefully selected my most teacher-esk outfit, shellacked on some waterproof mascara and trotted down to catch the bus.

Once on the bus I found a seat and settled in for the trip across the bridge.  I had been peering out the window looking for things that I recognized when I realized I was on the correct street, if we were to keep on in the same direction we’d run into my school.  I was once again very proud of myself and just as I was mentally patting myself on the back and stroking my ego over my impeccable direction skills, the bus made a right turn down a residential street and I panicked.  Shit. Shit where’s he goin? Nope nope nooope I need to go straight. Ahh I need the bus to go straight. Why are we going this way? Oh god I need to get off before I end up in some other district.  Crap did he just say “apartment”.  Ahh this must be it! Maybe. Ahh. I’m going for it.  And then I bailed off the bus.

Unsure of exactly where I was I check my phone to see what time it was.  It was 8:40.  Twenty minutes to get back on track and find the school.  I assured myself that if I just made it though the wooded residential area, i’d be right by PSA, so I briskly walked down the narrow roads, ignoring the morning traffic and crosswalk attendants, much to their disapproval.  Once out of the wooded area I looked around to see that I recognized absolutely nothing.  More panic.

After checking the time and seeing 8:44 I began to sprint, surely I could not be so far off course.  Wrong.   A minute or so of running in the 90 plus degree heat and 80% humidity, I was near passing out.  I began yelling at random Koreans on the street, pleading to people in cars as they rolled up their windows...

8:46 - “Apgujeong Yuk?! Anyone Apgujeong Yuk?!”
8:47 - “Taxi! TAXI!” Amazing. first day of school and i’m gonna be late. Awesome 
8:48 - “Taxi!!! TAXI! FUCKING TAXI I KNOW YOU SEE ME!”
8:49 - “Anyone Apujeong yuk? Please anyone! Do you know where Apgujeong Station is?!” More running and tears begin to fall.
8:50 - “Please someone! Apgujeong yuk? Apgujeong station? I know you can hear me!” - directed at a Korean businessman who had diverted his eyes.

A short while later I was hunched up against a wall, holding back sobs while I attempted to call my principal and explain the situation, when I realized I had no minutes on my cell phone.  Then, feeling completely defeated, hating everything about my situation, including myself, a kind ajushi with no English phrases under his belt hobbled up and said “apgujeong yuk?” I shook my head and he guided me around the corner to a bus stop.  The 143 bus stop.  The same bus I had been on minutes before and bailed on.

Three stops later and I was at the front door of my new school, red faced, drenched in sweat, puffy eyed and shaking.  Someone was kind enough to hold the elevator, which was packed with children and parents.  That person ended up being Daniel, the person who I would be replacing at PSA--Good morning Lily Class. I’m Lydia Teacher.

Springing Around

The weather’s gotten nicer and my ability to sit in front of my computer and write about, my now, seemingly normal and at times mundane life has become really difficult. I’m quickly approaching the 10 month mark, which I feel unbelievably prepared for, but also caught off guard by.  here’s the quick and dirty of my last couple months here in the ROK.

I like boys more than girls

Ever since I started teaching I could tell that I had a soft spot for the adorable little guys in my class, but now that they’re older and their personalities show through in every activity, every day, it’s become glaringly obvious just how much cooler boys are than girls, specifically 5 year olds boys.

On the girls side of Elephant Class we’ve been dealing with manipulative behavior, lying, alienating, bullying, name calling, jealousy--they are me 10 years ago.  These mini-premadonnas are vicious little instigators and their behavior is once again making me question their future as human beings. 

Thus, I focus my energy on the happier half of my classroom. The happy-go-lucky, fun loving, slightly out of control, yet receptive little men are light of my life. 

Not only are they easier to deal with and more fun, but they’re overall smarter than the girls. They’re even up to date on current world events.  Regardless if their information comes from their misinformed and highly neurotic Korean parents.  

Here’s a video of my kids explaining the earthquake in Japan, or “errscakes” as WoongJay calls it.  

After the earthquake and following nuclear meltdown, there was a pretty big fear of a fallout here in Korea, especially when rain clouds coming from the east covered the city of Seoul.  In this take WoongJay and Henry give a pretty scientific explanation of what happens if you get some of this, so called, radioactive rain on your head.


Overall they’re just a lot cooler than the girls.  Hopefully the ladies pull it together at some point, but until then i’ll keep talking about Power Rangers and Transformers.


Mary Takes Korea 

Mary Whiteside came to visit in mid April and along with her came a bag full of goodies and treats from the states.  Mom, the Brita water filter has completely changed my life.  Dead serious.

We ate a lot of food...

Some of it was really bad. Like the messy disaster of sauce and seaweed shown below.  I don’t know what we were thinking when we decided that out of all the food trucks, in all of Gangnam, we should select this squid and octopus fried delicacy.  It was far from tasty and we ended up throwing it out after 2 bites.  

She’s laughing because it’s disgusting...

 We went and saw the cherry blossoms and rode some bikes...

We drank tea...

Took pictures next to an ox made of grass...

Then Mary got lost.  I had gone to the gym in the morning and had made plans to meet her at the main intersection and we’d walk to Reggio together.  Somehow she got mixed up in the ping pong ball machine looking streets of my area and took a right when she should have gone left.  About 5 minutes past our planned meeting time I used my friends phone and gave her a call to see if there was a problem.  She had panic in her voice, but I thought nothing of it because there had been a twinge of panic in her voice since before she left the states.  I tried to stay calm, asking what she saw around her.  “Holly’s Coffee on my left” she replied.  I said “Good! Keep going straight.” completely overlooking the fact that there are Holly’s Coffee’s roughly every half block in Seoul.  After waiting a bit longer and running around trying to find her, I decided to hustle to school and try to call her again.  Once at school and on the phone with her, we realized what had happened, I instructed her to a cab, had a Korean give directions to the driver and within 15 minutes she was at Reggio, this didn’t stop the tears though.  Oh there were tears.  And frustration.  And a little scolding.  But after the panic attack subsided everything was fine and the kids were very very excited to see her.  

Then we went to Seokcho on the East Sea.  Our first night we went to a traditional Korean fish restaurant.  At one point there were 4 plats of food that were still moving.  I had some trouble with this meal and Mary didn’t eat much at all.  Fun experience, but i’m not looking to ever do it again.

We got fireworks.  The devil’s fireworks.  They were the kind you light, hold in your hand, and they shoot out balls of exploding fire.  These particular fireworks must have been poorly packed because even if held straight, the fire balls would boomerang and explode on the ground directly behind you or somewhere else in the near vicinity.  So there you are with a stick of gun powder and fire, petrified with fear, firework shrapnel flying everywhere, unable to decide a plan of action that might take you away from this perceived harm.  Looking back on it now, we very easily could have placed the fireworks into the sand, but that option didn’t even occur to anyone at the time.  

Did a lot of seashell hunting.

Went hiking. 

Then after 12 glorious days Mary went back to the states : (  

The Ostrich Farm 

I don’t know who gets the ideas for some of our field trips, or where they get these ideas from, but the trip to the ostrich farm was one for the books.  I spent the whole time freaking out trying to keep my kids away from the ostriches.  I can’t say i’ve spent much time around ostriches, but they are truly disgusting and frightening creatures.  They stare at you, much in the way that the velociraptors stared at prey in the movie Jurassic Park.  Simply terrifying.

Then we got to feed bunnies, which was a welcomed change from the vicious birds of prey.



Thankfully we made it through the day with no breakdowns, bites or injuries.  Some classes weren’t so lucky.  Shota in Dolphin class got to close to a horse and it bit his little arm.  There was mass hysteria amongst the Korean teachers followed by a trip to the hospital.  Fortunately for me and the Elephants, the day was all smiles.

Then we went on another field trip.  This time to see Dibo and the Super Band.  During the show they turned off the lights, gave out glow sticks to all the kids and had laser lights fit for a Vegas club.  It was like a rave for little people.  It was pretty overwhelming for a lot of the kids and WoongJay spent the whole time on my lap crying.  Poor little guy.

Seoraksan...again...

Just two weeks after visiting Seokcho and Seoraksan with my mom, a group of us went back for a long weekend.

I climbed inside a statue of a man outside of Emart....

We hiked. Again.  This time was far different from the leisurely hike I did with my mom.  This hike is intense and challenging, with some 800 stairs going up a sheer rock face.  I’ve done it before, which is why I continually questioned why I suggested we do it again.  

Took some videos documenting our progress.  

But we made it to the top! 

All in all it’s been a busy and bustling past 2 months.  Filled with a lot of fun and a good amount of homesickness.  At times damn near debilitating homesickness.  Thankfully that has passed.  Summer seems to have arrived and i’m about to sign my second contract.  See ya someday USA.  

we are excited. yes we are.

In only 2 short weeks Mary Whiteside will be hopping on a plane and heading out to Seoul to spend some time site seeing, shopping and hopefully cooking me a lot of food.  I am like a child before Christmas and my excitement for my upcoming visitor has been discussed greatly with the people that I spend time the most time with, Elephant Class.  They are also very much looking forward to meeting "Lydia teacher’s mommy”.  I think they are also betting on receiving some pencils or Pokemon cards or Power Ranger Engine Force memorabilia from the States.

The fact that they’re capable of discussing more than animals and colors now makes it a lot easier for us to have conversations about my current favorite topic. 

This was one of the first days we talked about our April visitor, so we were still working out the details.

So this is what a 20 grand a year kindergarten education looks like in Korea....


And lastly...sorry it’s a few days late....



The paper chain is being made tomorrow! Love you and can’t wait for you to get here!!!!

so there’s that...

Spring is just about here in the ROK and I, for one, could not be happier.  To say that the weather between late November and late February were cold is a gross understatement.  It was painful.  It was miserable. It was depressing.  I never wanted to leave my house (and for the most part I didn’t).  It was a tough couple of months.  But even though it felt as though it would never end, here we are mid March, in the mid to upper 40s, no longer battling a sever case of SAD and no longer refusing to get out of bed for anything other than a contractual agreement that allows me to stay in this country.

Along with the increase in temperature, attitude and overall outlook on life, there has been an renewed sense of desire to get out and experience the city a bit more.  With that comes a lot more subway rides and journeys around Seoul.  Now days these journeys aren’t spent gripping my own body for warmth, wiggling my toes to avoid frostbite, and assessing all possible areas that might be left uncovered and exposed to the air outside.  Since I no longer have all of these things to do on the subway, I’m able to get back to people watching.  I almost forgot how wonderful Seoul is for that exact thing.

A few weeks back I was headed somewhere by myself, when 3 elderly people sat down across the train from me.  At first glance they looked like normal Koreans over the age of 65, but before I looked away I noticed a significant amount of sparkle reflecting off all their clothing.  As I inspected it became clear that they must have put on every fur/sequin/multi-colored/flannel piece of clothing they owned.  It was at that moment that I realized it was my duty to take a picture.  My heart was pounding because I was nervous that they’d see me, or that my camera would flash, or if I did take a picture with out flash it wouldn’t turn out, then they’d of course get off at the next stop, causing another missed opportunity for greatness, so I decided to take a video.

So here’s a video of 3 Korean senior citizens that i’d love to spend some time with, maybe have some drinks with, maybe go to Vegas with.



What’s frustrating and sad about this video, is that it doesn’t even come close to giving these people’s outfits the justice they deserve.  There was so much shine.  So much fur.  So many layers.  So much, and I mean so much fake hair (those clip on ponytails are huge here in Korea) and i’m pretty sure the gentleman on the right also buys into the hype.

On another pleasant weekend afternoon, a couple of us girls went to the foreign market in Itaewon to buy some hard to come by spices and overpriced potato chips (the real, not airy kind).  After shopping we were walking around trying to figure out a place to eat when we ran into a fiery Korean woman that had a few choice words to say to foreigners that partake in unfavorable activities here in her homeland of Korea.  And like any patriotic activist, she had pulled up a chair on the street corner in the foreigner district and put her thoughts on display...

Just to clarify her sign reads “Drug foreigners return to your country! If not we will kill you on the road in daytime.”  
cold blooded murder > drugs 

 I don’t think anyone in their right mind would question this woman’s moral priorities or logic.  They seem pretty airtight.

When she noticed us taking interest in her sign she decided to show us a pamphlet she’d made which had a picture of Obama holding and uzi.  She kept muttering something about “Korean politician” and pointing at Obama.  I was thoroughly confused.  And entertained.  As can be seen in the picture below...

Skyler and I with the Korean lady who’s fightin the good fight.  

Later on that same day, about a minute and a half later in fact, we ran into some people partaking in something that I thought you might actually get killed in the street for. In the states you’d at least get taken to the streets if you did this openly in a major city with absolutely no shame.  Right outside the subway on the way to the Wolfhound we saw a Korean man dressed in black face, with a dread-lock wig, screaming something while holding a sign.  

In all honesty I found this more shocking and appalling than the woman who was threatening to kill people in the street in daylight (questioning my moral priorities at the moment).  This Korean had a crowd gathered around, everyone looking to their left and right trying to decide who was going to make the first move and at least say something about how inappropriate it was.  But as we stood there we saw people of all different races and nationalities walking by, shaking their heads in laughter, so we decided to walk away without causing a bigger scene--but not without getting a picture first. 

If the guy in the red sweater is smiling and not punching the guy behind the banner out, who am I to play moral police?

It’s really great having even the slightest want to be outside and if my outings continue to be this comical and entertaining I’m gonna be going out all the time.  So keep it up Seoul.  

spaghetti day!

When I was growing up my mom would always break spaghetti noodles in half, thus making them easier for a child to consume, but also taking away a significant amount of enjoyment from the whole spaghetti eating experience.  I remember it being a battle of wills whenever it was spaghetti night at my house.  My mom, trying to pull a fast one on me by breaking the noodles without me seeing, and me adamantly and sometimes angrily begging for her to keep them whole.  After seeing my class eat spaghetti, I understand why she was so staunchly opposed to serving us kids full length noodles.

I would also like to say that it’s on this day, and this day only, I skip up to the second floor, salivating and excited for lunch.  It’s a bit crazy how emotionally attached we westerners are to spaghetti, even if it is, like everything else in Korea, doused in sugar and MSG.  Even though the sauce is always a little on the sweet side, spaghetti day is always circled on the monthly lunch menu and I always have a smile on my face, knowing that no where on the lunch table will I see seaweed or squid.

one would think that eating spaghetti noodles with chopsticks would be like eating any other noodle, but for some reason my kids (especially JiAhn-surprise surprise) have a really hard time maneuvering spaghetti into their little mouths using chopsticks.  

Henry looks like he’s in pain here...

If you say those aren’t the cutest cheeks in the world you’re a liar. 

3 noodles at a time. 

Check out the bling around Daniel’s neck. Piimp. 

I think Andy’s mom is doing the haircutting in the Lee household. Maybe with dull scissors.  And maybe after drinking soju. 

These trainer chopsticks are pretty brilliant. I know a few adults who could seriously use a pair of them.  

Evidence

The following video confirms my earlier posting regarding the intelligence level of some of my students.  In this little clip Heather and JiAhn are attempting to play a game of Paper, Rock, Scissors--which might I mention, is a Cat Class favorite.  In the video Andy, the infant in my class (I think his mom and dad lied on his birth certificate to get an early start on his education) is well aware of the winner of the PRS battle, but JiAhn and Heather are absolutely clueless. In this relatively simple game, JiAhn thinks paper beats scissors.  Then later Heather just decides to hold her hand out in paper, and Tweedle Dum throws out a matching paper 3 or so times, all the while Andy (the infant) is aware of the correct winner and correct English name of the game...baby genius.

Brilliant.