i’m the illest

“How bad is it?”
“Bad.”
“Well how bad?”
“It high.”
“Ok. How high?”
“Very high.”
“Can you give me a number?”
“39.5”
“Ahh. Do you know what that is in fahrenheit?”
“Uhhh...”
“Nevermind. Ok so what can we do? Can you give me something to bring it down?”
“I give shot.”
“Like in the arm...?”
“No...."
...This is not the conversation anyone hopes to have on a Friday afternoon.  Yet this is the exact exchange I had with Dr. Chung at 4pm a couple Fridays back.

For the past 2 months i’ve been battling a myriad of illnesses.  It all started with a slight cold and a cough, which morphed into bronchitis, which turned into fluid in the lungs, then reverted back to a pesky cough, then seemed to be on its way out, then turned into a fever of 103 (39.5) on a Friday afternoon, and for the past 2 weeks it’s been holding steady at a severe head cold - and cough.  I’ve been more sick in these past 4 months in Korea then I have been in the past 5 years.  It’s ruining me slowly, and honestly, I feel like it’s karma punching me in the face for making fun of all the surgical mask wearing germaphobes that scurry around Seoul on a daily basis.  I’ve learned my lesson, and I should have taken a queue from the cautious folk when I had the chance.  Clearly, they are all aware of the super germs that populate this more or less island nation.

The capability to steer clear of airborne viruses is greatly reduced by the 100 child size petri dishes that walk around Reggio everyday, collecting and spreading their diseases around like a hive of bees during honey season.  No matter how many times one washes their hands, or disinfects the classroom, you can’t kill everything and if you think you have, you’re sadly mistaken.  These germs are like sleeper cells, they wait.  Patiently lying dormant until you feel yourself coming out of the cough syrup and Nyquil filled haze.  Then, just as you begin to feel normal, they attack. And just like Nancy Kerrigan before the 94 Olympics, you’re taken out at the knees, you’re down and out, left crying “why? WHY me?”

My desperation to get healthy over these last few months has lead me to a couple places that I didn’t want to go.  The Friday bum shot for one and to a traditional eastern medicine doctor for another.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go to Dr. Sung, in fact I was very much looking forward to a more natural route of treatment - my last dose of antibiotics/steroids had made me more or less psychotic, with mood swings that rivaled a menopausal schizophrenic and sleep deprivation that was driving me to drink.  Also, considering that those 5 pills, 4 times a day for 2 weeks hadn’t cured my symptoms, I was pretty reluctant to go through the emotional side affects for a second time.  However, eastern medicine has some practices that are a bit out of the ordinary in relation to what i’m used to.  Acupuncture is pretty standard protocol, but placing two 6 inch wires up through my nose was not something I expected when I decided to do the optional acupuncture treatment.  My inability to relax clearly confounded Dr. Sung, but the language barrier made it difficult for any encouraging words, other than “no poke. be calm.”  I hope he understands why I had trouble complying with his commands.

Although the nose wires situation tops my list of strange things that have happened to me in Korea, it fixed something, because that along with the herbal concoction i’m taking 3 times a day has made me feel better than I have in months.  Fingers crossed that this holds out and there’s no Tonya Harding boyfriend germs waiting to take me out again.

This tiny human is most likely the reason I can’t get healthy.  He is a walking virus and his mom sends him to school whether he’s sick or not. Thanks Ryan’s mom. 

the makings of a breakdown

It all started with this.....

When you dress a kid in an outfit like this, you’re basically guaranteeing them an abnormal day.  And abnormal to kids typically equals bad.  They may be young, but these little people are acutely aware when they don’t mix in with the pack and in this get-up Daniel very much stood out.  This little man knew it and before he even walked into Reggio, he was trying to ditch the bow tie. With everyone fawning over him like he was a K Pop star, I understand why he was complaining about feeling “too hot” and grabbing his tie while repeating “no good. no good.”

When I was young I had this obsession with my socks being perfect inside my shoes.  I remember my mom helping me get my shoes on for elementary school and I was so unbelievably upset because my sock was creased inside my sneaker, driving me insane, like that kinked sock was the worst discomfort that a person could possibly endure, or could not endure for that matter, because to me it was unbearable.  That was more or less how Daniel was acting on the day his mother decided to dress him up like a preppy ken doll.  He just couldn’t take it.  Yet like a selfish adolescent with a new barbie, I made him keep it on, and whenever the chance came up to show him off to someone else in the school, I took it, blatantly ignoring his discomfort.  I’m a bad person.  And the video below strengthens that sentiment.

After a morning full of mini fits, Daniel reached his breaking point.  People had been ignoring his demands all day and when WoongJay and David wouldn’t give him the toy, he snapped.

In the video please note how they deliberately ignore my pleas for peace.  You can also hear me confirm aloud that I should be stopping the fight, but then I stand up to get a better angle.  And lastly, take note of Brian, who at first tries to stop the tussle, then halfway through appoints himself referee of the match.


After separating the fighters Daniel broke down in tears, all the days emotions flooding out.  I picked him up and tried to make amends with a can of mixed nuts and candy....



Poor guy just needed some almonds for those chipmunk cheeks.

Fancy

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go a performance at the Seoul Art Center and watch the Royal Concertgerbauw Orchestra of Amsterdam - say that 5 times fast.  I've been to more than a few concerts such as this, my father being a classical music enthusiast, I was taken along many a time to see concert pianists, violinists and orchestras.  I have a memory from when I was about 9 or 10 and I was so excited when the crowd started cheering when the music stopped.  I remember thinking, ahh finally, it's over - but no, it was only the end of the first piece.  To a child a 15 minute musical piece seems like a lifetime and unfortunately, nothing has really changed for me.

I've said it before and i'll say it again, I'm not a huge music person.  Not to say that I don't love listening to it, or to say I don’t have favorites, but i'm just not one of those people who seeks out new music or new artists --i’m just not savvy in that way.  And live singing makes me uncomfortable so that counts out the whole concert part of things.  Aside from the live singing though, I'll basically listen to whatever and be satisfied.  A solid chunk of music on my ipod is still there from high school, so that should show that it's not a huge concern in my life.  With that said, I was still looking forward to going to this concert.  I figured that at my older, more mature age i'd be capable of focusing and enjoying the music.  I seemed to have forgotten that though I am older, I still have the attention span of a goldfish, that's been a constant since elementary school.

Through the first piece I was relatively focused.  The orchestra played 'William Tell' Overture, which is about 12 minutes long. Very doable.  By the second piece i'd noticed myself fading a bit, but I was still able to bring myself back and maintain some sort of grasp on my purpose for being there, but by intermission I was losing it and had to give myself a pep talk.  Once outside I peeked at my program to see how long the last piece was.  Brahms Symphony No. 4 was up next and the approximate length: 42 minutes.  I quickly walked to the bar and got a glass of wine.

When I settled into my seat for the marathon ahead, I was thinking about how silly it was that I couldn't focus on this music -- it's beautiful, a person my age should be able to sustain some sort concentration.  I vowed that during these next 42 minutes I would listen and absorb everything, I was looking to have an emotional experience.  Thinking c’mon Brahms, make me feel something here, I really want to enjoy this.  Then the conductor, Mariss Jansons, took his place and then began the strings...

I doubt I even lasted a minute before my thoughts took off.  Ahh that’s really pretty.  Ok Lydia just stop thinking and listen.  Alright listening. I’m listening. I’m listeni...wow their hands move so fast.   Gosh I wonder how fast their hands are moving.  Really fast.  Like really really fast.  Race car fast.  Ohh yeah the Formula 1 racing was just here in Seoul! I really wish I’d gone to that.  Wait, I don’t even like racing.  Yeah, I’m glad I didn’t go to that.  Very glad. Very glad I didn’t go. Oh tickets were free though! Ahh maybe it’d would have been fun to go.  Yeah it would have been fun...just to go. People watching ohh!!! I wonder if people who watch Formula 1 are like people who watch Nascar.  Well mullets are kinda everywhere in Europe anyway so....Ah PAY ATTENTION! Yes yes. Listening to the music....totally absorbing this....I wonder if Seoul has performances like this a lot? I bet they do...I mean the G20 summit was just here...Ohhh the President was here! No wonder there were so many cops around this week.  I wonder if Obama drove by my apartment!!! I doubt it because I would have known.  They have high security for that kind of stuff...they don’t want another Kennedy situation.  I wonder who really killed Kennedy...I bet somebody knows....God that’d be cool if I knew who really killed Kennedy.  Actually I don’t want that kind of knowledge, cause then they’d probably kill me...yeah I don’t want to know who killed Kennedy. Christ!!! LYDIA! Pay fucking attention! Yes.  Ahhh i’m terrible....Ohh I’ll look at the instruments. Yep that’s what i’ll do. I’ll just look at each of the instruments....wait...where is the tuba?! I remember when I played the tuba!!! Well the sousaphone....it was the marching band version...but we never actually marched with it...HA! Almost got me there! Still focused on the music....or something music related.  Watching. Listening.  Listening. Watching.  Pay. Ing. Attention....Why does that trumpet player in the back look like he’d rather be at home playing World of Warcraft? Christ, how did he make the band?  I bet he’s related to the owner or something. Yep definitely nepotism.  Yeah he is for sure the child of somebody important.  He’s slouching...like a stoner in the back of the classroom.   Buck up, guy.  Dear God.  Stop it and listen!  Shoot. I did it again. Ok for real this time. Listen. Listening. Ohh that’s pretty.  I think I recognize this...ohh I dooo!!! It’s from a Disney movie! Which Disney movie? Ahhh....It’s not Cinderella....or Beauty and the Beast....noo...neither of those. Wait, doesn’t Disney make all their own music for their movies? Yeah I think they do. Wait did I just make that up? I totally just made that up.  Umm...Maybe I didn’t?....I don’t know. I’m def gonna Google that when I get home.  UNBELIEVABLE!  Is it really that difficult to shut your head up for more than 15 seconds?!  Hey! I can pay attention to a lot of things for more than 15 seconds!!!! I do sodoku all the time...well I did that in class so I wouldn’t space out...but seriously I focus on a ton of things...like when i’m cooking I focus on cooking...or when i’m reading I focus on re......Christ. I give up.  


In that 42 minutes I made roughly 4 life decisions, set a dozen or so goals, settled on 6-7 other countries  that I’d like to visit and figured out how I’d solve a couple of the world problems.  It was incredibly productive, but did not change me musically.  This is not to say that I didn’t enjoy myself.  I did. Very much so.  But when it ended, after 2 encores, my palms were tired and so was my head.  The back and forth i’d been having with myself was pretty exhausting.

Aside from the performance there is one thing I do have to ask....Is a partial standing ovation worse than no standing ovation at all? Because there was a partial standing ovation at the end and I have to say that it was awkward. I mean really awkward.  There we were...on our 5th concecutive minute of clapping. Loudly.  Then a couple people decide to go for it and start the Standing O...but only a couple.  You could see everyone kinda looking around...assessing the situation.  Seeing that the Standing O had been initiated, like an open invitation to follow and raise up, but no...the majority of people stayed seated.  It was kinda like...yeahhh I see your Standing O...but I do not agree with your Standing O...so I will stay seated...but I WILL clap more enthusiastically.  Just some food for thought.  I definitely think no Standing O is better then a partial Standing O.  Yeah, no, I would not want a partial Standing O.

Halloween - Reggio Style

The Halloween celebrations at Reggio were....well....they're done.  The pictures are cute, but overall the day was torture.  Each western teacher was in charge of coming up with a game and throughout the day the Korean teachers would bring each class by to play the game in the classroom.  As often happens, way too many activities were scheduled and they completely overlooking the fact that the foreign teachers might need a break...or might need food.  Also contributing to the stress and headache of the day, i'd chosen Pass the Witches Broom Stick as my game, which was one of my childhood favorites, but I don't remember it being so dangerous in my elementary school years-maybe I was just oblivious to the obvious visual damage possibilities back then.  At any rate, after 2 classes my game had gone from Pass the Witches Broom Stick to hot potato with a wireless witch hat.

In addition to the pain of the actual Halloween Party, the preparation for the day's festivities must have killed 1/3 of the remaining rain forests and caused roughly 3 dozen species to go extinct.  To say the place looked festive would be comparable to calling the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade a Homecoming pep rally.  And to top it off the Reggio administration got lost in translation somewhere and ordered a pinata.  Happy Halloween, everybody.

My boys have a slight obsession with "Powaaahh Wangaahs" Can you tell? 

There were specific no gun rules put in place because of this child.   It's lovely how he follows instruction. 

WoongJay putting out a serious vibe.  Must be the muscles. 

Told Brian to do a "superhero" pose and he broke out in this.  

The masks didn't last long. 

Shota from Koala Class.  Quite possibly the most adorable frog i've ever seen. 

Real original Cat Class teachers, real original.  

Because obviously every kindergarten needs a red carpet for a Halloween party.

And Jessica was dressed as Madeline.  The day before she'd tried telling me what she was dressing up as and I couldn't understand what she was saying, after about 10 tries I finally just said "ohhhh MOMMA cat!!! Wonderful!!!!" -in the excessively enthusiastic falsetto voice that I use whenever i'm talking to the kids.

 Later in the day I made the executive decision that carving a real pumpkin was an absolutely horrible idea, so instead I gave the kids paper and had them draw their costumes.  

Daniel was pretty spot on with the skeleton.  

Ohhh JiAhn... ohh sweet sweet clueless precious little JiAhn.  

Loving Jessica's interpretation of Madeline here.  She's a real visionary, this one.  

Sad Giraffe

First, I would like to thank the dozen or so senior citizens of Seoul who made it possible for me to be here in front of my computer right now, writing this blog.  If it weren't for you I would most likely still be up near the North Korean border, wandering around in a giraffe costume, helplessly saying "Seoul National University of Education Station? Please? Please?"  Thankfully I know how to say that in Korean, but more so than that, thankfully 'pathetic' is something that transcends the language barrier.

It all started with the 10k Halloween Run, which after a night of too much wine, turned into a 5k Halloween Walk.  No excuses, but I did forget my ipod, the creature in my chest was still having a party, and I had decided that dressing as a gypsy, in a floor length gown, was a good choice for a run - Cat Class decision making skills are rubbing off.  After watching a few people who ran the 10k pass me on the way to the finish line, I decided that maybe it best to turn my attention away from the run and onto the post run activities.  As luck would have it everyone was in the same mindset and drinking commenced right around 10am.

After some flip cup, soju shots, and some other drinking games, I had somehow gone from being a gypsy to a giraffe.  The details are hazy, but a friend of a friend had brought a 2nd costume and I somehow ended up in a giraffe suit.  8 hours after the end of the run, the drinking/not eating had become too much and I decided to pack up and leave without telling anyone.  Backpack on, inside a giant giraffe costume, I made my way to the subway station.

At this point I can't be sure what my first mistake was, but if I remember correctly (highly unlikely) I think I just decided that it didn't matter which line I got on, they would all lead to my front door. It was like I thought that every train in Seoul would know where I needed to go, and it would take me there.  So once in the station I entered the first place I could and hopped on the first train I saw, completely oblivious which direction I was headed or what stops might be on the way.  What I can only assume was about 45 minutes later, I snapped out of my haze and realized that I didn't recognize any of the stations they were saying over the speaker.  Awkwardly, I stumbled to the subway map on the train and tried to figure out where I was.  After blankly staring at letters and colors for 15 seconds I decided that loudly saying "Seoul National University of Education Station (in Korean)" was a better idea.  5-10 pleadings later an ajuma came up to me, grabbed my hand and motioned for me to calm down.  At this point she was all I had, so I quickly complied.

Randi "The Fox" 

Once the train came to the next stop the ajuma, still holding my hand, led me off the train.  We walked for a bit then she began talking to other random ajumas in the subway, the only thing I could make out of these conversations was the repeating of my station name. As they talked, they would look at me and laugh, obviously they found the attire entertaining. A few minutes later my fairy ajuma handed me off to another ajuma, who kindly led me onto another train.

On every train in the Seoul Metro there is an area reserved for elderly, pregnant or injured people.  Each car has roughly 10 seat for people who meet those requirements - I'm assuming everyone just classified me as injured that day because there I was, hand in hand with my second ajuma, seated in the special section.  She had already began discussing my next transfer with an ajushi sitting across from us and like a perfectly planned school carpool, he grabbed my hand at the next stop and guided me to my next train.

This went on 3 or so more times, once an ajuma or ajushi would reach their destination, they'd pass me off to the care of another responsible senior citizen.  Each time they exited they'd smile and kindly wave goodbye, i'd helplessly apologize and thank them repeatedly, attempting to bow with my giraffe hood always flopping over my face.

When I finally arrived at my station, I parted ways with the ajushi that guided me the last leg of the way, the anchor ajushi if you will.  As I exited the underworld I realized that it was completely pitch black outside, my friends who had left the party over an hour after me, had already finished dinner and were arriving at home and the realization of what had just happened began to set in. I fumbled into the door of my apartment, deciding that even though it was only 8:15 on Halloween Saturday, I should probably call it a night.  Then...just as I was settling in to watch an episode of Vampire Diaries (yes...Vampire Diaries) my friend Randi called...and she was ready to head back out.  So like any sad giraffe would, I hopped back in my suit and headed out for the 2nd time.  Thankfully by the time I decided to head home and call it a night for real a few hours later, the subway was closed and the cab driver had a navigation system.