i’m the illest

“How bad is it?”
“Bad.”
“Well how bad?”
“It high.”
“Ok. How high?”
“Very high.”
“Can you give me a number?”
“39.5”
“Ahh. Do you know what that is in fahrenheit?”
“Uhhh...”
“Nevermind. Ok so what can we do? Can you give me something to bring it down?”
“I give shot.”
“Like in the arm...?”
“No...."
...This is not the conversation anyone hopes to have on a Friday afternoon.  Yet this is the exact exchange I had with Dr. Chung at 4pm a couple Fridays back.

For the past 2 months i’ve been battling a myriad of illnesses.  It all started with a slight cold and a cough, which morphed into bronchitis, which turned into fluid in the lungs, then reverted back to a pesky cough, then seemed to be on its way out, then turned into a fever of 103 (39.5) on a Friday afternoon, and for the past 2 weeks it’s been holding steady at a severe head cold - and cough.  I’ve been more sick in these past 4 months in Korea then I have been in the past 5 years.  It’s ruining me slowly, and honestly, I feel like it’s karma punching me in the face for making fun of all the surgical mask wearing germaphobes that scurry around Seoul on a daily basis.  I’ve learned my lesson, and I should have taken a queue from the cautious folk when I had the chance.  Clearly, they are all aware of the super germs that populate this more or less island nation.

The capability to steer clear of airborne viruses is greatly reduced by the 100 child size petri dishes that walk around Reggio everyday, collecting and spreading their diseases around like a hive of bees during honey season.  No matter how many times one washes their hands, or disinfects the classroom, you can’t kill everything and if you think you have, you’re sadly mistaken.  These germs are like sleeper cells, they wait.  Patiently lying dormant until you feel yourself coming out of the cough syrup and Nyquil filled haze.  Then, just as you begin to feel normal, they attack. And just like Nancy Kerrigan before the 94 Olympics, you’re taken out at the knees, you’re down and out, left crying “why? WHY me?”

My desperation to get healthy over these last few months has lead me to a couple places that I didn’t want to go.  The Friday bum shot for one and to a traditional eastern medicine doctor for another.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go to Dr. Sung, in fact I was very much looking forward to a more natural route of treatment - my last dose of antibiotics/steroids had made me more or less psychotic, with mood swings that rivaled a menopausal schizophrenic and sleep deprivation that was driving me to drink.  Also, considering that those 5 pills, 4 times a day for 2 weeks hadn’t cured my symptoms, I was pretty reluctant to go through the emotional side affects for a second time.  However, eastern medicine has some practices that are a bit out of the ordinary in relation to what i’m used to.  Acupuncture is pretty standard protocol, but placing two 6 inch wires up through my nose was not something I expected when I decided to do the optional acupuncture treatment.  My inability to relax clearly confounded Dr. Sung, but the language barrier made it difficult for any encouraging words, other than “no poke. be calm.”  I hope he understands why I had trouble complying with his commands.

Although the nose wires situation tops my list of strange things that have happened to me in Korea, it fixed something, because that along with the herbal concoction i’m taking 3 times a day has made me feel better than I have in months.  Fingers crossed that this holds out and there’s no Tonya Harding boyfriend germs waiting to take me out again.

This tiny human is most likely the reason I can’t get healthy.  He is a walking virus and his mom sends him to school whether he’s sick or not. Thanks Ryan’s mom.